July and Its Hold on Me

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Just like a Rose in Spring, may the World of  a Writer Bloom and Capture Attention-shobana


Another year has passed since our dad left us in 2010. The only consolation is that we see him each day in all the activities that we endeavor or encounter as he lives on in us.
My Dad had the greatest smile ever!. He was always the ever smiling person and humility was his virtue. I find it still hard to think of him as gone. 

I remember when I first started writing in 2007 after the sudden demise of my youngest brother who was the catalyst towards my passion in writing I shared my first poem with both my mum and dad. He was a little surprised at how I had worded the poem. He looked at me and said that it was "very good". I stood in front of him with the paper I had written the poem on and made him read it in front of me. I can still remember the look he had for me and I must say that I was really happy with his assessment of it. As always I would want affirmation from both my mum and dad positively on everything that I do. The poem was about my brother's untimely passing. It happened at a time when I was away from home, away from the family and I was unable to attend his funeral. It was devastating! I have not yet got over it and I don't know if I ever will! There is this sadness in me that I have not been able to hide - it's there trapped somewhere deep within and overcomes me still.

And thence my love for poetry began to weave its way in me...

Dad was someone whose written and spoken English was truly masterful! He had a great voice too and he sang Nat King Cole's numbers really well. On celebratory occasions, he used to sing to some of our relatives and friends when we had our sing-a-long especially during Christmas and Easter celebrations. It was always a cheerful time that we had and we now know how valuable and precious those times were. Truly great memories to recount and reflect on.

We used to watch him with a smile, sometimes a giggle especially when he took the high notes. A note to sing and a man who celebrated life - that was my dad. He was one who would never let worries or troubles overshadow his life. He lived his life the best way he could and I think that's the best way to handle whatever life throws at us. 

He loved each one of us in his own special way. He loved his grandchildren especially when they came along and there was never a time that he did not make time for them. He used to look out for them after school and together they used to share the highlights of the day with him . He would make them feel like they were the most important part of his life without any effort because it was the truth and it came so naturally to him. I think he was the best grandfather anyone could ever ask for. His love for them was just overwhelming.

I was really unwell on the day of my Dad's passing. I remember feeling so helpless. I remember the numb heartache and I remember thinking that our lives are all so broken up and shattered now. The close knit family we had lost another precious member and the rest of us left behind would have to pick up the pieces and carry on. 

July conjures up so many feelings in me. 

Its the month I first started writing - my 10th Anniversary to this day where my world of writing is concerned. In the ten years since I started writing I have published a few books and have a couple of unfinished manuscripts waiting for its story to be read and told. I have written more than 600 poems to-date or maybe more if you count those that were just scribbled and lost somehow. I have a blog I keep active just to pen a few lines when inspiration comes knocking or if I have something to say like today and I have opened up to the endless possibilities of what the writing world is all about and can offer someone like me.

I wish my Dad was here with me today. I know he would have been the proudest. Its really hard to move on knowing that our loved ones who are missing in our lives are not there to share great moments with us and that they have left a vacuum in our lives permanently I should say which is so hard to fill. There will always be regret at the back of our minds just thinking about it.

But as everyone says, we have to move on for the others surrounding us and make the best of our lives and what we have and continue inspiring the world with our smile, just like my Dad did - he always had a ready smile for everyone no matter what!

So Happy 10th Anniversary to the other me, Shobana and thank you for being my voice of reason and sustainability all these years! 

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